Free food and goodies.

This morning at work, one of the secretaries sent out a mass email describing the types of food she had brought in for everyone to eat. This included: sausage balls*, chocolate candies, chocolate yellow cake, and sausage links. Whenever I receive an email proclaiming that someone has brought in food, I always think two things, in the following order.

(1) I wonder if their cooking utensils and apprarti were cleaned properly before beginning to prepare said food items.

(2) I hope this person is happy with their job and has a good home life at holiday time. Meaning: I hope they didn't make all this food and slip in cyanide or some other lethal chemical in an attempt to kill us all at the office just before the holidays.

Now, I bet you're sitting there thinking, "Hmmm… you know… he's got some valid points there." Or "Good Lord, this dude is crazy." Either way, you'll never be able to look at office food the same way again. ^_^

Think about it, how well do you really know your co-workers?
Are you positive they maintain a clean kitchen?
Have you looked at their medical records to see how many trips to the psychologist they've made?
What if they're secretly a member of the new order of the Branch Davidian East cult?
If it's a woman, is she just getting out of a relationship at holiday time? ... and thus currently hating all men?

These are the kinds of questions you need answers to.

* One of my favorite all time Saturday Night Live skits, is the one where the two ladies host the holiday radio talk show, and they have that guy on their talking about his Schweaty balls, and how his Schweaty holiday balls are here for their enjoyment. Bone, Little Bootay and I were in the floor in tears when we watched that. We might have to bust out with that DVD at the Festivus party Friday night.